Category Archives: Journal

Update on my attendance at IABE 2018

Hey everyone!

Due to some conflicts in my schedule, I will not be attending the Indie Author Book Expo in a professional capacity. I will be there to support Jenn Thompson and Joleene Naylor for a few hours on Saturday, so if you want to come say hi, please feel free. I will gladly answer any questions you have about Celine, what’s going on with the series, etc. Hopefully next year my schedule won’t be so conflicting. I can tell you that Jenn will have copies of Celine available, and I will gladly sign a copy for you if you want.

I’m sorry if I let you down, but please understand that I am trying to be there for you all! I love and appreciate all of the support you guys give me.




Getting back on the horse

Hi guys! It’s been a while.

2017 was a year of creative garbage. I didn’t reach any of the goals I set out for myself. I didn’t finish any book that I actually wanted. I feel like a failure as an author. I feel like I’ve failed my series, my characters, and above all else, I feel like I’ve failed you, my readers.

All in all I had a fantastic 2017, but my creativity and motivation were non-existent. Because of that, I intend on making 2018 a better year. I don’t have any resolutions this year. I’m not planning on posting any goals or anything like that. I just intend on working.

I’ll be getting back to filming for Youtube, working on this blog, and writing. Change is going to be slow, and I might not get everything done that I was hoping for, but I’m going to try.

I hope that you have an amazing year! If you have anything you’d like to see from me, or this blog, please let me know.

)0( Maegan

A Dog Mom’s Worst Nightmare

The following post is not writing related, but I hope that it helps someone all the same. Please note that what I am going to talk about is upsetting. It describes my personal experience with a single Petsmart Grooming Salon, and does not reflect the actions of all Petsmart Grooming Salons. (Cause you know slander and all that good stuff)

I am a dog mom. I have two handsome boys that I love unconditionally.

I have Oliver, an eight year old Cavalier King Charles Spaniel :


and Jack, a five year old Jack Russell/ Corgi mix:


On June 15th, 2016, I took Oliver and Jack to get groomed for the summer at the Petsmart Grooming Salon in Watagua, Texas. I was told they were going to be about three hours, and I was fine with that. They deserved to get cleaned up and all of that good stuff. I live about fifteen minutes from there, so I went home to wait for them.

They had visited that salon in February, right before my husband and I moved into our apartment.Everything went fine. They were happy, I was happy. It was pretty much a standard day. This time was a bit different.

About thirty minutes before they were ready, I decided to head over there. The apartment was quiet without them, and I thought they might have been ready sooner. When I walked into the salon, I was greeted by a slightly irritated groomer. I don’t remember her name. It’s not really important at this point. She told me that Jack had stressed out when she tried to do his nails. She stated that he tried to bite her and proceeded to poop all over the table. I must have walked in right after she finished cleaning up because she looked upset. She pointed out that Jack was still attached to the table, and asked that I leave so that she could finish his head. She said that she didn’t want him to look at me while she was trying to cut around the head.

A little shocked, I agreed to walk out and let her finish. I was concerned that he would have done something like that because it is so out of character for this friendly little ball of fluff. About another ten minutes go by and I decide I can’t wait anymore. I walk back in the salon, and I am told they are ready. Jack was leashed up and ready to go so the groomer gave him to me while she went to go get Oliver. I apologized for Jack freaking out, citing that that was out of character for him. She, along with the other two groomers in the room, said that dogs sometimes have bad days. It happens. I said that Jack doesn’t have bad days, but they kept implying he was just not in a good mood.

While the groomer was in the back, I kept looking at Jack’s face, and I noticed there was something odd about his right eye. I picked him up and carefully opened his eye a bit more with my fingers. There was a blood pocket forming along the top of his eye. The groomer brought Oliver out, talking about how good of a boy he was. I pointed out his eye and was told that their eyes get red when they get stressed out.I told them that this was not a red eye, it was a blood pocket. All three of the groomers acted like they had not seen it until I pointed it out, and had no idea how that could have happened.

Looking back at it, that seems like a bit of a cover up. I mean, if I noticed it almost immediately, surely they had noticed it. I decided that I would step next door to Banfield, the Petsmart vet, to try to get his eye checked. I was told that the vet had no appointments, and I started to stress out a bit. I had to know what was wrong with my dog.

I went up to the register, paid for Oliver’s grooming (Jack was comped) and I walked out. I called one local vet that typically took walk ins, but they said that they didn’t have the equipment, and recommend that I call their normal vet. Which I did. Their standard vet did not have any appointments available until Friday. So I grabbed the appointment and figured that I would just be mindful of any changes.

We come home, get all set for the evening, and I decide to play some World of Warcraft with my friends. At about eight or nine o’clock that evening, Jack’s eye has completely turned red with blood.


It’s a little hard to tell, but I think you can see the blood. His eye was swollen, and he had a bit of clear discharge, like tears. I decided that I couldn’t wait any more and took Jack to a twenty-four hour emergency vet.

The vet did a full check of his eye, and came back with a horrible diagnosis. My dog had been strangled. The vet assumed that he did it to himself while he was stressing out, but he was still strangled. His neck was also swollen from the leash tightening around his neck. The damage to Jack’s eye is only in the white part of the eye, and he has no other issues. He can still see and his sight has not been damaged.

Petsmart has paid for the cost of the vet bill, on top of refunding Jack’s grooming cost, and I am thankful for that. However, I am not happy that this happened to begin with. I am not happy that it was allowed to get to that point. If Jack were having a bad day, they should not have finished grooming him. I should have been called immediately. They should not have blamed him for being bad, as they did, but been apologetic for not calling me sooner.

I wanted to write this, not to shame Petsmart, but to warn other pet parents. The manager that handled this whole situation, who was actually incredibly nice, said that she hoped they hadn’t lost our business by this situation, and that the groomer was being reprimanded. Honestly, I will never step foot in a Petsmart again. I am completely devastated by the conduct of the groomers in that situation. My dog could have died, and all the groomers could do was blame him for his behavior. The groomer that was handling him should be fired. I am not always the person that calls for someones head, because I know that find a job can be hard, but this was animal abuse. My dog was in her care and she betrayed him.

I am mad at myself for putting him in that situation, and almost let her get away with putting the blame back on Jack. I almost didn’t say anything to them. But why? I was not at fault, Jack was not at fault. I am writing this in hopes of warning others before dropping their pets off. From now on, we will be using a groomer that works in a vet’s office. Plain and simple.

Catching you guys up, and a short rant (sorry)

So I really really really don’t like the new set up for WordPress. It is incredibly difficult to share vlogs, and really just to navigate. I may feel this way because it’s been for fucking ever since I’ve updated. I’m sorry. I have filmed a few new vlogs, which I will just share the playlist here (hopefully):

Let’s see if that freaking works. The newest vlogs start at about #34, I believe. I have changed the formatting and now, instead of only talking about my books, I am talking about important stuff in the writing world. I will also talk about other things that are important to me, but right now we’re following the Amazon Kindle scammer issue.

I have moved (again) but my husband and I are back in a populated area, which is nice. I enjoy being around people that don’t abuse animals or mooch off of me. Plus, I get to live near my best friend, which is awesome. I am still working on the rewrites for Celine, but it should be done in the next few months.

Other good news, I am launching my own handmade soap company in a few months, with a couple of my friends. We are called Bunny & Bee. The company is launching in just a couple of months, so stayed tuned for more on that.

On to my rant. I enjoy making book covers. I haven’t had as much time lately, but I do enjoy it. It’s fun. However, some times you get a client that is ridiculous. I don’t mean a ‘haha’ kind of ridiculous, I mean a completely unprofessional kind of ridiculous. I have been contacted by an individual sporadically for the several months and I can’t do it any more. At first, I understood, things happen. Now every time this person pops back up their first question is about how much I charge for this, that, and the other, regardless of how many times I tell them the exact same thing. I’m a woman of my word. If I tell you something is going to be $45, not including cost of stock images, then that is what the price is. I understand this person doesn’t know me, but they have asked the same question the last 3-4 times they’ve messaged me.

As both an author and cover artist, being able to see from both sides really sucks. I want to be super angry. We’re talking flying off the handle, cuss filled ranting. I’m not going to do that. What makes me not want to work with or for this person is their long stretches of being gone, then acting as though it is my fault that we have not stayed in contact. In any business exchange, prompt responses are key. When I am the last one to say something in the conversation, traditionally the other person should respond. Otherwise, it’s a monologue, or a blog post.

To be honest, I have so much going on in my life, that I can’t wait around for someone that may or may not respond for 2-3 months at a time. This is probably going to put me on some kind of list, but whatever. I’m not demanding that people behave a certain way to please me specifically, I am just speaking about how I feel. (I hope this makes sense.)

Anyway, thank you guys so much for reading. I promise to try to be better about keeping up with these posts.

So You Wanna Hate Me? Kandee Johnson


This is a lot of what I’ve said over the last couple of years, but Kandee says it so well. Please watch this!!


(Please keep in mind that I do not own any part of this video. This is just a video that I thought had a great message. No copyright infringement intended.)

On My Mind- Ellie Goulding


Why is it that Ellie Goulding can always manage to capture the entire Night Touched series in her songs?? Seriously. This is very much Harper at the beginning of Jeremy.

Failures, goals, and what is going to be coming in 2016

A lot has happened to me this year, and I thought I would share with you guys. I have really let myself down this year. I wanted to get Celine rewritten and released before year end, but that does not appear to be in the realm of possibility. Work and school have gotten in the way too much.

Fortunately, a lot of things are changing for me next year, and I will be able to spend more time focusing on writing. I plan on doing more with the TNTC brand, finally finish the TNTC website, and perhaps even release the new Celine and Book Three on top of everything.  I had a generous offer from a close person in my life to become a “backer” for my writing. I was beyond flattered, but I had to turn them down. It wasn’t that I wasn’t grateful, because believe me, I was. It was that I lack so much confidence in myself right now, that I don’t think I would ever be able to repay their investment. I mean, they offered me something great, and I am so much of a coward, I couldn’t just say “Yes! Thank you! I won’t let you down.” The reason being, I didn’t accomplish all of my goals. I didn’t do everything I set out to do, how in the hell am I supposed to make a lucrative business out of something like that?

I feel like a big failure because of how much I didn’t do.Yeah, I did get the BNT mini series finished, and it does seem to be performing well, but I didn’t accomplish all of my goals. I didn’t allow myself the time to focus like I should have, and ended up being overwhelmed with too much. I now know the importance of organizing. Over the last few years, I have been very quick to advise people on how to self publish, but I can’t seem to follow any of that advice myself.

I follow Laurell K. Hamilton on Twitter, and I am amazed by what a writing machine she is. I also learned something very interesting about her writing method, that I think I might try myself. Instead of talking about a word count, she keeps a page count. It seems like her goal is 10 pages a day. I feel like building to something like that would be doable. I mean, 10 pages can mean any number of words. It seems like it might been less stressful. Of course, I don’t know, but setting a goal of a certain number of pages per day seems a lot less intimidating. I am definitely going to try that next year.

What about you guys? What are your goals for 2016? What do you think you didn’t do well in 2015? Any advice, tips, or personal stories? Please share in the comments!

Common ground, common sense, and one view of self-publishing

I recently read a blog post by Tahlia Newland entitled “Opinion: The Core Problem with Self-Publishing is Quality Assurance.” The post was well thought out, actually, and there was a lot that I agreed with her about. However, my one big issue was her solution: having self-published authors submit their work to big publishing houses for their opinions before publishing to determine whether the book is “good enough.”

Ms. Newland suggests that every self-publishing author submit their book to publishers and await feed back before deciding whether to publish or not. Her reasoning is that 10% of books submitted to publishers were well written, but not good enough for the publisher to sell, so if you’re lucky enough to have your book fall under that category, then you “deserve” to self-publish.  I have a problem with that.

When did self-publishing become about who deserves to be out on the market and who doesn’t? I mean, let’s take a look at E.L. James. Her books are laughably terrible, poorly constructed, and worse than a majority of what is on the self-publishing market. However, E.L. James has become an international best seller and she was deemed good enough to fall in to the 5% of authors worthy of being picked up by a publisher. Just looking at her, do we really want to allow the traditional publishing houses to dictate the self-publishing market? Are their opinions really gospel? Hell no.

There are tons and tons of self-publishing authors who probably shouldn’t be releasing their material. First drafts and hack jobs that certainly need to be revised are more than common. But who are we to tell these people to stop doing what they love? Is crap work saturating the market? Sure! But it is not my place, it is not anyone’s place, to tell these people to stop. There are a few exceptions to this rule (hate books being towards the top of that list), but there is not a self-publishing police, nor should there be.

My friend Tricia always says that regardless of how crappy a book is, we should respect the fact that that author had the courage to share a part of their inner being with the world. Being mentally prepared to take people’s negative opinions and get over the fear of being a failure takes a lot of moxie that many people don’t have. They fear rejection. We all do. But when you are self-publishing, you’re saying to the world that you don’t accept that fear. That’s really something.

I have found several rotten books in the self-publish bunch, and that sucks, but if we continue to further the “all self-published books are terrible” ideal, we are not doing ourselves any favors. By relying on the opinions of traditional publishing houses, we are telling all of those people that think self-publishing is a joke that they’re right. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to validate an opinion like that.


Does @Amazon Really Have the Self-Publishing Author’s Best Interest in Mind?

We’ve all had that one author friend that has had trouble with Amazon, and thought that maybe their issue was just a fluke. Then we hear about it from another author, and another. How can Amazon be affecting so many authors? Surely, we‘ll be okay. Then it happens to us.

I am hearing more and more lately about authors having one issue, or another with the Distribution King of the self-publishing industry. They know that as self-publishing authors, we come to them because ewveryone uses Amazon, the biggest ereader is the Kindle, and we rely on them to cover the bulk of our distribution. We could rely on the other platforms, but we know that we won’t get near the exposure. They use those facts to toy with not only us as authors, but our livelihood as well.

Personally, my biggest issue with Amazon has been pricing. I have two permanently free short stories that have had their prices changed 3 different times now. The stories are free on every other platform, including Barnes and Noble. The first (and second) time the prices were modified, Amazon’s excuse was that they reevaluate the price every so often to ensure accuracy. Um, really? If the stories are free literally everywhere else, then your price is not accurate. The third time, however, I had to write them and get serious. I was (surprisingly) responded to pretty quickly and the issue was resolved. But how long before it happens again?

I have to, of course, go back to my feud with a certain ertoica self-pub author. I don’t like to dwell on it, but I honestly learned a lot from that situation. During the worst of our fight, she had the nerve to use my name and my first novel as tags on her books. Whenever you searched “Maegan Provan” or “The Night Touched Chronicles” her name and that book came up. If you searched for her, my book came up. I spent almost two weeks on the phone with Amazon fighting about it. They said that she needed to call in and tell them why she had used me and my work as tags, and it became a huge mess. Now it’s resolved, but they made it a lot harder than it should have been.

The worst horror story from the crypts of Amazon comes from author Elaine Raco Chase. She recently had a flood of new reviews for her book appear on Amazon. 148 new reviews to be exact. Like any author, to see a sudden intake of reviews is thrilling. Once Ms. Chase started looking at the reviews, she saw that all of her new fans weren’t really her’s at all. The new reviews were actually for a non-fiction work that happened to have its wires crossed with her book. She contacted Amazon and they were quick to help her. Except, of course, that they took 10 legitimate reviews when they cleaned house, leaving Ms. Chase short and those readers without an opinion on her book. She has attempted to contact Amazon multiple times to resolve the issue, and now they’re basically refusing to help. In fact, they’re threatening her. The latest communication from Amazon was this:

If you can’t supply us with the direct link to the missing 10 reviews we can’t help you. Please do not contact us about this problem again.

What the hell, Amazon? I do not know  a single author (at least not personally) that would sit and bookmark their reviews. How the hell is she supposed to directly link them to something when she doesn’t know where they moved it to? It is not the author’s responsibility to ensure that Amazon’s website functions the way that their coders wrote it to function. It is not the author’s responsibility to bookmark every single review they get. Please name one author, game developer, clothing designer (etc.) selling on Amazon today that does that. And how dare their customer service talk to an author like that. Do you know what would happen to a customer service rep that spoke to someone with Harper Collins, or Penguin, or Random House (etc.) like that? They would be fired!!

Just because we do the work ourselves does not make us any lesser than the big houses. To be completely honest, I think that we’re a lot more important than those companies. That might be a bold statement, but hear me out. Those big publishing houses have departments for marketing, cover design, editing, and even the actual process of publishing. We do all of that ourselves. We do not, and cannot rely on anyone else or nothing would get done because we are self published. I think that makes us pretty damn important.

So what can we do? Too many of our readers are comfortable and familiar with Amazon. If we cut ties, we would be alienating a whole group of readers. Amazon is close to running a monopoly on the self-publishing industry and they know it. Barnes & Noble can’t really provide too much of a competition because the Nook is not widely used. They don’t have a stable footing in the ereader field. As long as we continue to self-publish, even directing people to other sites like Smashwords, Kobo, and the others, there is still a Kindle format, which means that Amazon is still getting some cut of the profits. A good portion of self-publishing authors offer print books, which can be created and distributed at no upfront cost through Createspace, which is owned by Amazon. We’re kind of stuck. We can’t exactly stop publishing our books, that would be counterproductive.

It would be nice to see at least one big name company have some level of concern or care for self-published authors. It would be nice to know that we are not considered second rate authors that only self-publish because we can’t get picked up by a traditional publishing company. We are just as valuable as the big wigs, like Laurell K. Hamilton, Stephen King, J.K. Rowling (etc.) and we deserved to be treated a lot better than we are.


Do you have an Amazon self-publishing horror story? What are your thoughts? Comment below. Don’t forget to like and reblog, because I would greatly appreciate it!

On a serious note


As I am sure many of you are aware, September is Suicide Awareness Month. It is a time to remind everyone that depression and suicidal thoughts are not just something you see in the movies and dramatic TV shows. People feel real pain and no self-worth, but it doesn’t make them any less human. Regardless of how many people they can have around them, they can still feel alone and like nothing matters.

I have been battling depression since the age of 13. I have been on medications, off medications, in therapy centers, abused drugs, and made countless other attempts to “fix” myself. I used to self-harm a lot as a teen. I still struggle with it today. I no longer do it, but there are times when the thought just creeps into my head, and I have to pause. I know that it would not do me, or anyone around me any good, and I feel like I have better control that I did 13 years ago. I have self-image issues, and serious doubts about my self-worth, but I do my best every day to get out of bed, get to work, and I am fortunate to have some clients that I care for a great deal. My husband, my dogs, my family, my friends, my readers, and my clients keep me going. Some people don’t have that.

I don’t know how long many of you have been following this blog, but a few years ago, my friend introduced me to a Youtuber called Markiplier. He had about 600,000 subscribers and was known for playing horror games. The first Let’s Play of his that I watched was for The Last of Us, and that inspired my continuing WIP “The End.” Markiplier’s channel has grown and amassed close to 10 million subscribers at the time of this blog post. Markiplier, who has spoken out about his own battles with depression, is well known for not only his Five Nights at Freddy’s series, but also for doing hilarious collaborations with the comedic trio known as Cyndago. On September 16th, Markiplier and two of the three members from Cyndago made some cryptic posts regarding some sort of tragedy that had befallen them. Speculation swirled, but mostly, the fans that had come to call all of them ‘friends’ were just concerned for their well being. Today, September 19th, Cyndago made the tragic announcement that one of the founding members, Daniel Kyre, had taken his own life. (Full statement on Cyndago’s Facebook. )

Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem, as they say. Nothing is so bad that you need to end your own life. If you are feeling depressed, or like you deserve to die, please talk to someone. You are worth more than you know. If you succeed, the people you leave behind will never be able to pick up the pieces. It does get better. Talk to people you trust, join a support group, check into a therapy center; do something! It does not have to end here, and it does not have to end now. It will get better. Please check out the graphic for contact information to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. If you think you don’t have anyone close to you that you can talk to, talk to them. Please.

I doubt that Markiplier, Matt, or Ryan will see this, but in any case: Thank you guys for all the laughter that you have given your fans. Daniel was an amazing spirit, and he will be missed. Your fans are here for you.

If you are contemplating suicide: Please call the number above, or the website. You are worth more than you think. Even you don’t think it, there are people in your life that love you. I love you. I appreciate you. You are wonderful.

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