You are Good Enough!!
An increasingly disturbing trend is rippling through the literary world. It can be seen in both self published novels and traditionally published novels alike. It has the ability to change the way that people all over the world view themselves and others… and not for the better.
I can first remember hearing about “girl power” in the 90’s when the world was introduced to the Spice Girls. Of course, as early as the 1920’s, most of us alive today can recount when we first heard about women’s equality and why females deserve to be treated with respect as opposed to servants who are there for a good lay (trying to keep my cursing down for this post) and to cook a hot meal when the man commands it. Women’s liberation has been a force that’s gained a lot of forward momentum over the years. There are still a few bumps we have to overcome, but we were almost there… Then, in the last 10 years at least, there has been a slow backward slide that has come over society. Women’s view of self and status have taken a sharp downturn and they are slowly becoming more and more needy and self loathing. Now why do you think that could be? I think I have the reason the literary world is a part of the problem in some regards, even if it might not be that popular of an opinion. However, I think by now, you guys know me well enough to get that I’m going to say what needs to be said, even if it isn’t popular.
If I were to tell you that I had a man in my life that refused to let me see my family, told me constantly that he can’t control his rage around me, broke up with me and left me in an unfamiliar place because I am just me, and he made me feel like I wasn’t a person unless I had him, you all would tell me to leave him, right? Well, that’s the premise of Twilight. Bella goes through the whole book series desperately clinging to Edward because she doesn’t feel like she’s good enough without a man in her life. She spends a third of New Moon in a crippling depression because Edward broke up with her because of his inability to control himself around her. She has incredibly low self esteem and looks at the Cullens as god like creatures because they’re so beautiful and she’s so not.
I know, I know, this is old stuff by now, but I wanted to bring it up because I am reading more and more novels with a Twilight type overtone with a submissive sad sack of a girl who falls in love with a sexy bronze god and he returns the feelings instantaneously, but always turns into a stalker type love interest. So many girls are leaving these novels thinking that they have to find the right guys and get into a relationship or they’re just not good enough. It’s sick. To base one’s entire existence on finding a significant other is no real existence at all. These type of novels are teaching young women to be self loathing and men that it’s okay to treat girls in a crappy manner because that’s what they want.
To the women/men reading this post that feel that way: You are good enough. You are beautiful, you are loved, you are amazing. You don’t need a relationship to define yourself. Find a hobby, find a passion, find something that belongs only to you (outside of a relationship) and have fun with it. Mr./ Ms. Right will come along, but don’t waste your life looking for them.
To the women/men reading this post that feel women/men should be treated like garbage: It’s not okay. You should never seek out people who will let you treat them like crap. If you feel that the only way to be a good partner/ spouse is to treat your partner/spouse like they’re insignificant, then you might want to find some help.
I know that some post on a small blog floating out in the interweb won’t change the world, but I want to do what I can. I’m a plus sized, over the top, loud mouthed author who deals with self doubt on a daily basis, but my husband goes out of his way to make me feel like I’m worth something. I hope that every person can find someone like that, but if you don’t, it doesn’t mean that you’re a lesser person because of it. You are all amazing people who just have to find their footing. You are more than your relationship, you are more than your self doubt, you are all rock stars waiting to be born. So the next time you pick up a novel with a Mary Sue, Bella type character who has less common sense than a fruit fly, put the book down and pick up something with more substance. You’ll be better for it.
I love and adore you all!